Friday, 1 February 2008

A prophetic picture...

Oh yes. I will be. And then I will take over the a good way, of course...even if it is a cardinal sin for a woman to hope to become one:

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

The first thing to happen will be that all priests undoubtedly guilty of paedophilia will be defrocked and handed to the secular authorities, with no hope of return. Then out with the celibacy and men-only rules. After that, anyone who lacks pastoral ability or displays any sign of serious emotional problems/addictions/personality disorders will be sent to counselling in the first instance, suspended if they make no progress, and there will be rigorous psychological evaluation for entry to a seminary or religious order. If you don't display pastoral gifts, guess what? You're not called.

Next on the agenda - free thinking will be more than welcome - the Church is, after all, only a vehicle to God. If we're all on board this *universal* vehicle, then let's be honest about what we believe, and let's be secure enough to really listen to the people in our carriage. The church would also become truly Catholic - it would reach out to all peoples and all nations - to everyone in need, regardless of race, nationality, religion. No more of this 'take care of our own' mindset. Everyone is our own.

I'd be shipping condoms in bulk to AIDS-ravaged countries...and working with charities from Amnesty International to WaterAid.

Sex and intimacy would be de-stigmatised. There would be a rigorous pre-marriage counselling programme - none of the c**p I've witnessed where a priest doesn't want to do the real thing because, well, 'sex is dirty, and anyway, marriage is really second to my perfect celibate life.' (I'd hand you the bucket, but I'm using it.) Give me a penny for the number of times I've heard, "I give them 5 years, tops," come out of a priest's mouth, and I'd never need to work again. You're supposed to believe it's a SACRAMENT, you lazy smartass. If you did your job properly and cared more about their lives than your office or the money you were getting, they might be in the right place right now: counselling or broken up, rather than all dolled up in your church, a tragedy waiting to happen. Marriage is a sacrament, sex is holy - the church needs to stop claiming that's what it believes and needs to start ACTING like that's what it believes.

Birth control? Yeah, I'd be teaching that. No couple should have to make the choice between having more children than they can love and support and the ultimate physical expression of their love and unity. Premarital sex? Yes, but I'd make sure you learned that you don't have to if you don't want to - come to it in love and whole, don't do it TO BE LOVED and TO BECOME WHOLE.

Above all, we'd be proclaiming love, tolerance, justice and the pursuit of truth from the rooftops. And helping everyone else to scramble on. No us and them. Never again.

We'd be a truly Catholic Church.

After all, there are really only a few basic principles to live by, whatever you believe: Love as much and as hard as you can; be the voice for the voiceless and protect the vulnerable; give generously and without thought of return...

but it really comes down to this: we are all One in God, which makes every ONE of us holy.

It's time we got off our knees and started acting like it.

As pope, my manifesto would be simple (though the above would be a few of many ways to express it):

Let us build a republic of heaven on Earth.


Ariel said...

I'd certainly vote for you. I mean, if they let female Jewish non-cardinals have a say in things...


jewlsntexas said...

I'm loving the irreverent tone of your blog! I found the link from the Emergent Women website - and hopped on over!

Irim said...


Ari - thanks, hon. If I were pope, female Jewish non-cardinals would just have so much more say. They're far more sensible.

Jewls - *waves across the pond and then some* Welcome aboard and thank you! Put your feet up and make yourself at home here.I'm just about to hop over to yours now.

Take care, fellow travellers,

Reiza said...

Funny thing is I just sent that cardinal picture to all my Jewish friends a few days ago.

I LOVE your take on the Catholic Church.

Add me to the female Jewish non-cards who would vote for you.

Sensuous Wife said...

Irim, so much of what you said resonates with me but that's happened before! ;)

Irim said...

Reiza, Sensuous Wife -

So good to see you both - and thank you ever so much.

Hope you're both keeping well and happy.

Shabbat shalom, Reiza!


Pius_X said...

Actually, you'll find Heaven is a Monarchy; in which God is King and Our Blessed Lady is Queen.

I also find it very funny that you proclaim an open, inclusive, and tolerant Church yet speak with venomous hatred of more 'conservative' views.

Funnier still is your condemnation of the Church's tendency to censorship and that this appears in you comment box: "Comment moderation has been enabled. All comments must be approved by the blog author."

Irim said...

Good to see you here, Pius X.

[also find it very funny that you proclaim an open, inclusive, and tolerant Church yet speak with venomous hatred of more 'conservative' views.]

Not really, I spend a lot of time with people who have more conservative views. Most of the time, we're happy to agree to disagree and work out how we came to such different views. What I am venomous about is intolerance, and I think you'll read, over and over again, that where I get p***ed off is where there is hypocrisy, personal attacks, an unwillingness for dialogue. I go after the Newman Society for very specific reasons: men who cuddle eachother on the MCR sofa when they get drunk shouldn't be slagging off homosexuals. Capisce?

[Funnier still is your condemnation of the Church's tendency to censorship and that this appears in you comment box: "Comment moderation has been enabled. All comments must be approved by the blog author."]

Well, Pius, I publish every last comment, as you'll note when you read through the comments - people who agree, who disagree, who attack me personally.

The comment moderation was to avoid the "enlarge your penis size" comments that are completely irrelevant, though I find them quite hurtful, since I'm very sensitive about my penis size...

Also, I tend to be deliberately provocative to elicit strong reactions, which often lead to good conversations and clarification of what everyone believes.

Thanks for popping on and being honest.

God bless,

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