Friday, 25 January 2008

A big thank you...

This wasn't going to be my next post - I'm still working on that and hope to have it finished tomorrow or Sunday. But when I heard this song, I had to put it out there as a tribute to everyone - teachers, friends, people I only knew for a short time that touched me profoundly - who have helped me along the way. The odds were stacked against me being the person I am today, but somehow, I got very lucky and a ton of wonderful people have crossed my path and loved me. Whether you've done it by being an obstacle or by shining your light on my path when I couldn't find mine, thank you. This one's for you.

Why now? Well, because you've all been there just now, whether you realise it or not.

Just like Winston Churchill and many others, the black dog nips at my heels and throws up a lot of old, painful stuff that needs dealing with. I've never done drugs, and my therapy has been my friends and a lot of reading, but what works best is just to sit down and let him put his head on my knee whilst I fondle his ears and talk to him to find out what it is he's trying to tell me. Usually, he's telling me that so much has happened so fast that I need to slow down; too many people have been leaning on me (especially if their issues are very close to mine and I haven't dealt with my emotions); or that there's a painful situation I'm not really facing - I may be analysing it, but I'm not feeling it. So I let go and let it be, do a lot of crying and taking care of myself. I actually believe that depression is the psyche's equivalent of physical pain - it's a way of getting your attention and telling you something is wrong, that you can't live like this anymore - the current situation is no longer sustainable.

In other words, look at what you're too afraid to look at - do you need to leave your job? A relationship? A mindset? The priesthood? Everything you take as a given? Can you not live like this anymore?

Depression is a way of keeping you safe until you're ready to no longer be safe and move on.

So, yes, I've had a touch of it lately. My friends have been there. And so, as Faith Hill sings, "I'm gonna be ok/so let it rain".

And bless every last one of you who's ever been there for being my red umbrella - I love you and don't know what I'd do without you:

Sometimes life can get a little dark
I'm sure I've got bruises on my heart
Here come the black clouds full of pain
Yeah, you can't break away without the chains

Pre Chorus:

Your love is like a red umbrella
Walk the streets like Cinderella
Everyone can see it on my face


(So) let it rain
It's pourin' all around me
Let it fall
(No) it ain't gonna drown me
After all
I'm gonna be okay
(So) let it rain
(Oh, let it rain)
(Let it fall)
(I'm gonna be okay)

(So let it rain)

2nd Verse

You can wear your sorrow like an old raincoat
You can save your tears in a bottle made of gold
But the glitter on the sidewalk always shines
Yeah, even God needs to cry sometimes

Pre Chorus:

Your love is like a red umbrella
Always there to make me better
When my broken dreams
Are fallin' from the sky

(Repeat Chorus)


Let it wash my tears away
Tomorrow's another day

(Chorus Out)


Anonymous said...

Well I'm glad to have been there, however minimal my help has been...

Love you xxx

Ariel said...

I agree with anonymous. You have been a light in my life for years now, and I don't know what I'd do without you. If I've been any help to you at all, she'enedra, I am glad.

You're one of the most special people on this planet, and there are many of us who know it and treasure you for it. Never forget that.

I love you.