Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Jossela, Miriam...

Ok, I'm changing font size. We'll see how this works.

H/T to Reiza, who put this up on her blog as a superb explanation of the differences between Chanukkah and Christmas. I'm particularly appreciating it as a Jewish couple came into work today, and my blood pressure plummeted the moment I heard the man say, "Baruch Hashem" [loosely, "Thank God"]. They nearly gave themselves whiplash when I wished them "Chanukkah sameach", and we had a lovely chat about the school where I taught. I felt a warm glow as they left, as if from...a menorah and latkes frying gently in the kitchen.

*Shakes head*

Having said that, I know this is irreverent, and even more so on Christmas Eve, but raise your hand if you can imagine me saying this to Joseph just before he travels off to Bethlehem (preferably in my new, beautiful, Limoges blue slanket):

12. Many Christians believe in the virgin birth. Jews think, “Yossela, Bubela, snap out of it. Your woman is pregnant, you didn’t sleep with her, and now you want to blame G-d? Here’s the number of my shrink”.

*Raises hand abashedly* Yeah, me too.

See you at Midnight Mass.

[ETA: Please read the comment section and join in. It's better than the entry.]

14 comments:

Ariel said...

*LOL*

Yeah, I can totally hear you say that, you polyreligious slanket-obsessed woman you.

(You're over the moon, aren't you? Irim and her slanket, sitting in a tree...)

Ari.xx

Irim said...

YES!

I confess, I AM IN LOVE WITH MY SLANKET!

It's definitely male. I'm thinking of naming him Shmuel. Wraps round me, keeps me warm, agrees with me...

What's not to love?

xx

Ariel said...

You're out! Slanket-lover!

Of course he's male... you wouldn't wrap up in a woman, would you?

I must confess I'm jealous... I want one. If I can just decide which colour he should be.

Ari.xx

Irim said...

Hmmm. I'm leaning towards Limoges or Hunter with you.

No, I wouldn't wrap up in a woman, but I'm sure there are female slankets out there for people who would!

Yes, I confess, my beshert is a slanket. We are out of the closet...xxx

Ariel said...

Will you show me the wedding pics? :-D

This time I was leaning Limoges; last time it was Hunter. I keep thinking that if I have the same preference twice in a row, I'll go with that one, but it hasn't happened yet.

I rather think my boy might like one. A Ruby Wine one - that's a fabulous colour for him. But letting another female that close to him...

Ari.xx

Irim said...

Of course I will - and it won't be expensive as he is both chatan and wedding garment. So we can splash out on food and flowers. ;-)

Don't do the twice in a row thing - do shackles on/off. And buy, baby, buy.

As for your man having one, if he named her 'Ari', there shouldn't be a problem... :D xx

Ariel said...

He will have real trouble smashing the glass with his foot, though... you might have to help. :-D

Ooooo... you should totally be singing 'My Slanket and Me!'

You know, I can't make a decision until Friday anyway, because they're all out of stock and not expecting orders until then.

Not a bad idea... mine was to let him share mine, but there might not be room enough for the both of us.

Ari.xx

Irim said...

Oh, I'm happy to help him with the glass - and the bedeken will be hard for him too, you know. And since I would insist on a double ring ceremony, that's a bit of a headache too. But the colour scheme, well, that's easy...Limoges blue. :D

But despite all the difficulties, he's wrapped around me right now. Isn't that true love?

I know you can't decide till Friday, but hopefully you'll know by then.

And then, I think Aaron might get a run for his money.

No, you two are THIN, but not that thin. TWO slankets, you should each have your own.

Threesomes can be very damaging to relationships, and you don't want the slanket to become confused about his/her gender.

xx

Ariel said...

Hmm, yes, the ring could be tricky... you might have to get a groomsman to help. Give them something to do besides look decorative, no?

Aww... he's taking care of you! Definitely true love... and at first sight! (Or first snuggle?)

I might ask for Aaron's opinion on the colour, though I'm not sure he'd have one.

A sexually confused slanket would indeed be a problem. We'd have to get him in talk therapy so that he could address his issues, and I don't think my insurance covers that. Or, worse, the two of them could run off together, which would be kind of humiliating, awesome though slankets be. Though it would make a great Bad Country Song. ('Oh my baby left me/ [twang twang twang] and for my slanket too [twang twang]...'

Ari.xx

Anonymous said...

'Oy Vey Maria', as someone is reputed to have said...

Have a Happy Chanukkah already,

xxxx

PS I laughed out loud reading your blog this time...

Irim said...

True love at first snuggle indeed. And he was so understanding re: my issue with being cold all the time that I have to admit, I slept with him on the first date, oh the shame!

I thought he'd leave me, but he turned out NOT to be an emotionally unavailable slanket. He said he felt that women shouldn't be considered slanket sluts for going to bed - or sofa - with one on the first date. Chemistry is chemistry, and if it works, why shouldn't you let your slanket wrap itself round you? We were just lucky.

We'll have to work on that bad country song. My feeling is, if a man leaves you, he should have the decency to leave you your slanket, even if they've fallen in love.

Mind you, you should both be free to find your slanket soulmate.

xx

Ariel said...

Ah, for shame, you're as bad as I am. But when it's right, it's right. And it's so cold these days, and slankets are so hot...

Lucky indeed, to find such a sensitive and understanding slanket! I hope mine is as exemplary (and I hope he's not possessive, since he'll have to share me).

I think that if a man falls in love with your slanket, the three of you ought to be able to come to some sort of agreement, but as you said, threesomes are tricky.

Do you think it's possible to have a slanket soulmate and a human soulmate at the same time?

Ari.xx

Irim said...

No, possessive slankets are not good - because what will they do in spring and summer, when you need a little more space?

The agreement is the ideal, of course, but I think the whole situation is better avoided.

Absolutely there is room for a slanket beshert and human beshert - and the best combination is a set of human besherts sitting/lying next to eachother happily enveloped in their slanket besherts.

xx

Ariel said...

"Headline news: From lovers to stalkers... SUMMER SLANKETS GONE BAD!" *shudder* The horror, the horror...

Oooh.... two humans + two slankets = the best foursome ever. Cuddly was never so hot before.

We could probably get slanket songs in just about any genre we put our minds to, you know. What do you think?

Ari.xx