Saturday, 27 January 2007

*Exclusive* Bollywood shame

Yes, they beat us fair and square. But when a chance to publicly humiliate an Aussie cricket player is handed to me on a silver platter, I'm not a good enough person to pass it up.

And let me tell you, Brett Lee's Hindi is worse than certain priests' Latin (I've heard 'brand' in 'celebranda' pronounced like 'brand' in English. It's enough to make you give up on mass). Combine that with the usual Bollywood camp, the Hindi lyrics (no, I won't - they lose too much in translation) and subcontinental women pretending they can wear yellow - I have to tell you, I haven't laughed and cringed so much in months.

Brett, yeah, you're Bondi Beach blond and you caught her attention. You're not Indie, but you're willing to learn some Hindi. Bonus point, mate. Maybe you should get a bindi too. Just some friendly female advice - sort out the scarecrow hair, stay with English and stick to good bowling - it's a lot sexier than a bad Bollywood song.

Aussie readers, please note that I avoided posting this on Australia Day. I do have some mercy.

And Ashaji, Ashaji...after giving us so many years of such joy...but you looked like you were laughing too. After such sterling service to the Indian music industry over more than half a century, you deserve to.

Uh oh. I can feel it growing on me...maybe all they needed was a group of men and women to come out in full Indian dress and dance for us...maybe it really isn't that, I will resist!!


Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated...


Anonymous said...

The funny thing is, if I didn't *know* he was singing in Hindi some of the time, I'd think he was singing indistinct English.

At least he's qute.

I'm with you on the yellow, though - what on earth were they thinking?


Rachel said...

Ha! Ha! Ha!

See, I'm going to gloat ON the day we inflicted our fourth heaviest ODI defeat on Australia... It makes even KP look like a man of taste. KP: the tattoo with Jess's name on it "and spaces for the names of your children" (vomit quietly) look tasteful.