Nobody expects the...church cleaner inquisition?

As I was doing my shift on the Church Lodge (read: receptionist/shop asst duty) today,
MR, a friendly acquaintance, came up to me. I apologised profusely, as I'd missed our coffee
last week, so we rearranged for a fortnight's time.

With that business out of the way, M told me the following story, leaving me helpless
with laughter:

As he was suiting up to serve the 10am mass a couple of Mondays ago, M told T(our sacristan)
that he was having coffee with me. Didn't think any more of it.

A little while later, he was in the sacristy with G, our money counter/Lodge person/cleaner,
etc...ex-civil servant (very serious, not at ALL like Sir Humphrey Appleby - whom I *adored* -
*twinkle*), when G said quite suddenly:

"I hear you're going out with *that* Irim."

[which? where? An *Irim*? Run screaming!]

M replied, "It's coffee, G. It's nothing remarkable."

G said quite seriously - he doesn't do tongue-in-cheek (as I'm sure you've deduced):

"Ooooh, you don't want to do *that*...she's a liberal; she has very heretical ideas."

Damn, that's what I should have dressed up as on Halloween.

I haven't stopped giggling since. And it got even funnier, b/c I gleefully told Br. J  (whose face
was a picture, and he promised "not to tell anyone...outside town"), Fr. D the Younger and
Br. A.

Then Fr R the Younger came in, and as I was about to tell him, he told me he had heard...
except NOW, it was "Ooooh, you don't want to MARRY HER...etc."

*Laughs hysterically*

*Pounds table*

 *Wipes eyes*

Never let it be said that religious men don't gossip as much as church women. Bless.

You know, it's really a shame I can't give in to the part of me that loves to wind people up
and go back to G with this and say,

"Me? A heretic? Well, I've been working for the Dominicans for a couple of years, and they haven't
noticed anything amiss. And if I recall correctly, they're the Inquisitors, so they should know."

He'd be mortified, poor chap.

Lead me not into temptation...

Awww, go on then. The confessional beckons...